OK,

I’ve learned my lesson.  I guess I’ve watched so many of those spy movies where James Bond is jetting around the world through 10 to 15 time zones and never skips a beat.  Well, for someone like me who is used to traveling for a day or two in the old truck just to get through 1 time zone, “life in the fast lane” just about did me in!  Let me explain…

We had this conference in San Mateo on our trip schedule for some time.  There was no getting out of it,we were going to be there.  But…..  I was asked to be the speaker for the school convocation Friday morning in Dallas.  But…. there is the final Whoop Dee Doo banquet at the convention in San Mateo Friday evening and I am told I have to be there.  So I asked myself , “What would James Bond do?  Why it was “elementary, my dear Watson”, (oops! wrong Englishman) he would book an early evening flight out of San Fran International heading to Dallas on Thursday evening.  After losing 2 hours on the time zone changes, he arrives in Dallas in time to try to get some rest, pay some bills before they shut off the utilities, and re-acquaint himself with his dog who no long recognizes him and at first won’t let him in the house.  He spends the rest of the evening wrestling with the first line of his convocational address, wondering why he always waits until the last minute to try to come up with an idea.

After struggling with the first line of the speech until after midnight, he finally gives up and lays down  to get some rest.  His internal clock goes off at 4:30 a.m. (Central Daylight Savings Time) and he stumbles out of bed and is halfway through his coffee making routine when he remembers they shut off the power for the coffee water heater before leaving on the road trip and it’s going to be a good half hour before anything resembling coffee comes out of it.

Without his early morning caffine jolt, he stumbles into the shower and makes a stab at knocking off the dirt from several California wine fields.  That being done, he tries to find something to wear by himself. (He hasn’t had to do this for quite a while and he wastes about an hour just trying to locate his clothes).  He checks his watch (which is always kept on good ‘ol Texas time) and sees he is going to have to step on it to get to the convocation in time for a cup of coffee before being fitted with a lapel mic and shoved out there in front of 300 teachers and staffers who are not excited about having to end their vacation and come listen to some old has been try to get them excited.

With minimal coffee spills down his front, (most of them fell on the tie) he takes the podium and after what seemed like 3 hours later, (after looking at his watch it was only about 30 minutes) he was through!  They took his lapel mic off and escorted him to the back door where an SUV was waiting to whisk him off to the DFW airport.  As I’m saying goodbye to my daughter and two grandsons, she slips my boarding pass into my shirt pocket and says that Chris, my son-in-law, (by the way he is THE BEST son-in-law in the world!!) felt sorry for me having to load back up into the 737 cattle car with seats that were not built for “big boy comfort”, for the 3 hour trip back to California.  So he had me upgraded to FIRST CLASS!!!

It was amazing what that upgrade did for me!  I did’t just go to the boarding gate, I made an entrance!  I tried to flop my boarding pass casually under the nose of the gate attendent so that the FIRST CLASS was showing on top.  I gave him my best smug grin and nodded just enough to acknowledge his “Have a wonderful flight MR Purcell”.

I went into the plane and there the stewardess looked at my ticket and escorted me to that big, wide, wonderful seat with all kinds of things hanging off of it that I could only imagine what they were there for.  I tried to appear casual as the stewardess asked if I would like something to drink.  I came soooo close to making that Economy Seating remark… “Do you take cash or credit card?”  But instead I managed to pause and say ,”I’ll try a rum and coke please.”  And like magic it appeared in her hand as she reached over and pulled one of the many platforms out of the side of my seat and sat the drink on it with a small dish of warmed mixed nuts! Wow!  Try as I may not to, I still chugged the rum and coke in about two swallows.  Before I could place it on the little table she was taking it from me and asking if I would care for another.  She shouldn’t have done that so quickly.  It started a cycle that consisted of seeing who was the quickest…Was it me drinking the glass dry?  Or….was it going to be her making the next drink?  It was GAME ON!  I stopped at 8 and took time out to eat the great chicken salad with hot bread and washed it down with 3 glasses of Merlot (not the white kind Edge, I’ll just spend a little more time cleaning the dentures!).

What a great experience!  My travel buddy, you know the guy in the other seat on your side of the plane was a doctor no less.  In fact he was a pathologist specializing in cancer research.  So… I got a 2 hour consultation for free on my way back to Frisco!  He was matching me drink for drink,  I was impressed!

By the time the plane landed, we had decided that in spite of everything it looked like I was going to make it!  What a great way to end the….. did I say 3 hour trip?  When I looked at the local time, we had gained two of the hours back so I made it from Dallas to San Fran in 1 hour!  I was going to make it to the Whoop Dee Doo here with Charlotte just fine!

We went to the dinner and sat with some of Charlotte’s friends from Japan.  In fact, she and I were the only ones at the table who were not from Japan.  I sat down and Charlotte brought me a big glass of Cabernet.  As I sat there sipping the wine and listening to those women speak Japanese, the past two days jet setting washed over me and I began to feel the dendrites shutting down.  Funny thing though,  I think I began to actually understand Japanese!  It must have been that glass of Cabernet!  I stayed the required time and excused myself (I don’t think anyone knew I left) and went back to the room.  As I slipped between the sheets,  I made a note to myself to not do the back and forth through the time zones that fast anymore.  But… thanks to you Chris for making it a great day in FIRST CLASS!